one awkward thing

in the spirit of today, i would like to humbly apologize to everyone that i know, including my parents, my siblings, my friends, my teachers and everyone that knew me. i know that i am a walking sack of clumsyness and i am an irritant. i apologize if i have hurt anyone with my words, writings or even actions. i would also like all of you to know that i am honored by your presence and your kindness towards me. i dont deserve this kindness.. i am nothing actually..

and i hope that my apology is accepted..

should i see you again, lucky you. should i not see you again, lucky me.

building the perfect lie

here is some of the few miracles of the modern age:

FACT:
we hear news everyday.

FACT UNKNOWN:
the news we hear are from sources that are not from here. (reuters, afp, etc)

FACT:
news are delivered to us by networks.

FACT UNKNOWN:
most networks (cnn, bbc, etc) tamper with the news.

FACT:
all of us believe what we are fed.

FACT UNKNOWN:
and the networks laughed at our stupidity.

MORE FACT:
news travel from the news agency, then to the networks.

MORE UNKNOWN FACT:
the news is even tampered upon by the news agency.

we do not want to go on. we would kill ourself. but let us walk together, and think. in what kind of world are we living in now?

we cant even listen to anything without it being torn and spined in pieces. and whats more, what we listen now is profiteering some people who considers themselves important. and what does that make us? unimportant persons? to be lied and cheated by them? we are sick by the lies. and we do not want to hear anymore.

and with their politics. its all the same thing. lying has been in their blood. we are sick of being bullied and kicked around like sheeps. you are supposed to takecare of us and now no? and now you cheat and lie and steal from us that will cost our children's future?

and with their television. its all the same thing. and to mock their job as an actor, they also lie. they should be called liars instead of actors. and they lie, and tell us what we should do? and now you tell us what we should wear? and now you tell us how should we live our lives?

and with their news. its all the same thing. what kind of news is it when it is filled with bias and lies? it should be called lies. and to make us sick even further, news are decorated and dissected just to profit other people. and makes us the fool. isnt that what you ARE NOT supposed to do? isnt it your job to educate, no "mental-retarda-te" people?

and with their wise people. its all the same thing. with all of ur religious views and knowledge, you still would sell your soul? for some papers of unknown value? hasnt God taught you anything? and now, we can see all our religious people mimick what the non-believers do? we sing nasyid and call it an academy? we recite the holy (please note: HOLY) Quran and make it into a reality show? what kind of madness have all of you contracted? hasn't God taught you anything?

and with us, its all the same. we are being lied upon, like fly on a hot pot of shit. we are feasted upon because some of us are helpless. and none of you will help us, instead prey on us? is that what humans do now? if someone from us is being good to everyone he knows, even strangers, he is called mad? because he is being good? and he is persecuted for his behaviour? what kind of madness have all of you contracted? hasn't God taught us anything? to be kind with others, to be truthful with others, to be helpful with others. and now you prey on us? play with our trust in you?

IT IS YOU WHO SHOULD BE PERSECUTED, FOR TREATING OTHERS BADLY.
IT IS YOU WHO SHOULD BE PERSECUTED, FOR LYING TO OTHERS.
IT IS YOU WHO SHOULD BE PERSECUTED, FOR CHEATING TO OTHERS.
IT IS YOU WHO SHOULD BE PERSECUTED, FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE TO OTHERS.

do you know how degrading it is to even become a human nowadays? humans have no value whatsoever nowadays. even animals know to take care of their children, even animals know to protect their group and even animals know not to cheat others.

"if you cannot find a leader who is sincere and trustworthy from your society, then you must run to the forests and stay under its root. and stay there, until you die.." - similar meaning of prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h.) hadith about what to do near the end of the world.

cold and alone

until when can we stop fighting?
until when can we stop arguing?
until when can we start loving?
until when can we start living?

i am cold,
i am tired,
i am sick of humans.
you humans, fucking egomaniacs.
you humans, fucking psychopaths.
you humans, fucking murderers.

didnt you know you are the greediest bastard God has ever created?
didnt you know that the animals themselves loathe at you?
didnt you even know that you are nothing?

you lie, with your stupid politics.
you cheat, with your stupid tongue.
you steal, with your dirty words.
just to get what that is not yours?
don't you have any shame?

why do you think that u are so superior?
because of your luxury cars?
because of your fucking mansion?
because of your beautiful wife?
because of your filthy fuck money?

you humans makes me confuse.
you humans make the animals confuse.
you sickfuck thrashed the forests.
you sickfuck pollute the skies.
and its you SICKFUCK that destroys the earth.
and you still want to act superior?
and you still claim this is your land?
and you still want to claim power for a fucking nation?

BIGOTRY!

when will you humans learn?
when will you humans know?
when will you humans realize?
that you are just but a tiny sand in a huge desert?
that you are just but a fragment of imagination?
and you still think you are the masters of the world.

i hate you.
i hate you with all my strength,
and i wish to kill you.
because of you, everyone else suffers.
because of you, i suffer.
and because of you, everyone dies.

i am cold.
i am alone.
but this time i am not scared.
because you will never know who you are.
but we,
we will always know what kind of animal are you.
we will always know what kind of suffering u have brought to us.
and we will always know when we will kill you.

you humans, you always forget.
you will never learn.
and because of that, just we wait.
when the time comes,
when all of your power is nothing but sands.
when all of your money is nothing but dusts.
when all of your houses is nothing but leaves.

and yes, we will be there too.
to watch and enjoy,
watching you suffer for ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 sided dice (part deux)

from our previous chapter:

"and thus comes the question that everyone like to say. this world is not fair. God is unfair and stuff like that."

well, in truth, people who say that are actually not well versed in reality, theologically and logically. and why do i say that. apparently those people have not been paying attention, AT ALL, either to the pattern of the world, their daily challenges or God's word. let's divulge further.

REALITY: in reality, life is not about fair. fair and life have nothing in common or do they have any relations at all. fair, in terms of actual life (like in sports, game etc) is 2 people or more, getting the same gear/items/boon while playing/competing. please emphasize the word same. now, unversally, what i have said earlier can be accepted as an analogy of what is fairness. but in reality, life is never fair. some are born rich, and some are born poor. some are born plain idiots and some are born intelligent. some are born pretty and some are born ugly. and so, where does fair fit in? none at all. because fair is not a part of life.

THEOLOGICALLY: in the words of God, He whom is all Powerful has stressed enough that this world is juat a big field. and God stressed that this world is created not to be enjoyed nor harvest. in the words of God, this is just a short stop before going home and God almighty is testing us with what that has been given to us. frankly, God does not want us to become all-good person whom if he stepped on an ant, the ant will not die. God just wants to see, how far can a human will go to obey God. God does not need you to be good. in fact, He does not need anything at all. so, just consider living is a bonus.

LOGICALLY: logically speaking, life can never be fair because its variables is set. variables that is set can only have one set of outcome. refer to "probability" and "human behavioral science". if all the variables that can be set, then we can have a fair set of probability. imagine 2 person who posess same variables. the outcome is simply braindead, they both will have the same set of probability. even so, if u wanted to look even further, the variables in human life patterns are simply too many to be conted. from "mood" to status of relationship" to family background to economic status. imagine how would you count the outcome? the example i gave was just to determine the outcome of a boy that is going to date a girl. imagine counting the probability of someone to get unto a train in thailand going to cambodia?

i could go on with all the gritty details but i think those three is enough to convince me that life is not fair at all. i have realized that life is not something to be enjoyed and that life is just a fatal disease. not only does it kills, it also intoxicates.

look at all the poor people who is willing to whore/assasinate/murder just to earn some invaluable paper that people call money? or are they trying to explain to us the value of life? easily bought by money? and do you see all the rich people who is too filthy rich that they keep all of their vast riches and let the poor rot and die? no even a pity's sake for the sick? i may never know and understand why do they do this and how can they absolve this cancer. but there is one thing that i do know..

is that the only thing that can cure it is the blissful nectar of beautiful DEATH..

the blissful nectar of beautiful DEATH..

6 sided dice

in this life, we can never expect anything. because nothing is expecting us. in this life, everything is decided, but not by us. in this life, we are faced with choices, but it means nothing because we can only take one path and not turn back. life is like a 6 sided dice, being rolled and the outcome is decided unto us. do you believe in me?

in today's world, everybody can be a good student, and achieve well in their academics, but he/she can never decide if he/she is to fail miserably or pass with distinctions. everybody can work their ass off but can never decide if he/she will be promoted. everybody can open a restaurant but nobody can guarantee that the restaurant will succeed. everybody can have sex but nobody can guarantee that they will get a child out of it. do you believe in me?

lets do some math:

situation 1

aldrahn, a manager of a big factory, is very wealthy. he came from a very wealthy family and received excellent education. he currently have a salary of 50k per month and owns a lot of houses, real estate and cars. he is married to a beutiful wife and has a son.

samoth, a janitor in a big superstore, is a so-so earner. he came from a not so wealthy family and didnt receive good education. he currently earns 800 per month and is renting a house with his mediocre wife. they have a son.

2 of these people are ordinary people and are only separayed by their jobs, wealth and wife. now, i will ask you:

which of these two will be rich in the next 5 or 6 years?
whose son will flourish into the archetypal son? whose wife will die first?
who will die of cancer after 6 years?
whose house will be infested by termites tomorrow?
who will lose a hand 2 weeks later?
who will become pregnant 6 weeks later?

situation 2:

miranda, 17 year old is pregnant is labouring today. she has been in the hospital because she is expected to labour her child anytime soon.

ihriel, 26 year old is pregnant and is at home. she is also 9 months pregnant but the doctors said she will deliver anytime next week.

questions:

who will give birth to a handicapped child?
who will deliver first?
who will die delivering?

situation 3:

ihsahn, a 26 year old person with tuberculosis is lying on his bed in a certain hospital. he is treated with X medicine, Y medicine and Z medicine. he is currently suffering from tb since 3 years ago.

trym, a 26 year old persion with tuberculosis is lying on his bed in the same hospital as ihsahn. he is treated with the same medicine ihsahn is given. he has suffered tb for 3 years now.

simple question:

who will live after 3 years?

now, for a fact that we know humans have patterns can decide the outcome of anything theoretically. i repeat, THEORETICALLY. a person that is given the same amount of treatment can heal after 3 years. a person who work his ass off can be rich no matter what. a person who has sex can get pregnant. a person who is from good looking parents can be good looking too. a person who eats too much can get fat. do you know why they used the word "can"? because it can happen, but i can also wont happen at all. when a person says "i can", it is not absoluteness. it is not a certainty.

now, who does all the job? who will decide all the whatifs? who will roll the dice?

in actuality, there is no dice. there is only one written path. do you know why someone achieved success because she studies hard? it is because she was meant to have that path. do you know what someone who didnt study at all did not drop out from college? it is because he was meant to have that path. actually, there is no path at all.

to explain in simple english, here's how:

someone who passed her exams with distinction said, i studied very hard for this. in actuality, she did not study hard. she was give the way to success by having herself given the way of study. it was all predetermined. even when i am blogging. it is what i am supposed to do. because everything has a purpose. nothing in this world can exist without having a purpose.

and thus comes the question that everyone like to say. this world is not fair. God is unfair and stuff like that.

well, im kinda sleepy to carry on.. ill continue this tomorrow, InsyaAllah..

good nite to whomever is reading this.. and thank you, i appreciate it a lot..

cat's luck

this is my cat, sleeping. his name is jinx. jinx is sleeping soundly. he looks very peaceful. i wish can have that peace. i'd die for even a hint of that peace. do you know why jinx is at peace? because jinx doesnt have anything to think about. everytime he comes home, he is fed. if he is sleepy, he'll sleep anywhere in the house. should he accidently dropped a glass full of water on a piece of important paper, he isnt judged. he is forgiven. and everyday in his life, he'll be treated nicely and will even be given a kiss to the head. in fact, nobody in this house can and will do anything to harm jinx!

i have a wish. i wish that someday i could do the same thing i did to jinx to everyone else in this world. if they are needy, we'll share together. if they are hungry, we'll eat together. if they are homeless, we'll live together. if they are burdened, we'll carry it together. if they did something wrong, we'll bear it together.

sometimes its funny that animals get all the good stuff. but humans can and will never treat humans with the same kind of treatment. and i wonder why.

we wished we were you jinx.

we wished we were.

origins

SOMEONE: hello.
SOMEONE ELSE: hello too.
SOMEONE: nice shirt!
SOMEONE ELSE: hey, thanx. shall we go? im hungry.
SOMEONE: yeah yeah, i'll get the car. wouldnt want you to wait.
SOMEONE: you look pretty you know.
SOMEONE ELSE: aw shucks. you're prettier!
SOMEONE: no. you!
SOMEONE ELSE: no, you!
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........

Humans, with their complex mechanics of emotions are really simple creatures. we were born, and throughout our existence we eat, sleep, move, have sex, give birth and eventually die at the end. its just clockwork. a clockwork that not many realizes. however, the bigger question lies in the origin of our existence.

where do we come from?

according to the Holy Quran, man was made out of clay, years after the creation of the earth and its elements, angels and devils.

according to the Bible, man was made "from God's own image".

the question remains still, who is this man and to be more precised, what is he? lets take a deep dive down the small hole that no one travels. we will first discuss the creation:

man (and woman) is a creation containing two unique parts. one is physical and the other metaphysical. one part is crystal clear; it is the physical and material matter occupying space, known as the body. This form of matter has size, shape, and dimensions and can be experienced empirically. The other part of the human being is harder to understand since it has no shape, size, or dimensions and cannot be experienced by empirical knowledge, it is the mind.

through this mind, exist a world in which we and only we live. so, to put it, in each person's mind, there is another universe. an entirely different universe. so, two person can see the same universe because the eyes see what the eyes wants to see and the mind manifests what the mind wants to manifest. practically, the world for, lets say, Joe is a world that only joe understand. when joe sees a leaf falling from a tree, joe must be thinking it is fall. but for, lets say, jane, it is a whole different meaning. that is why our emotions are very mechanically complex. it is theoretically impossible to learn the true exact meaning of the emotion. but fortunately for us, we are all about patterns. (will not be discussed here)

now comes the harder part. two unique parts but wrought by whom? lets delve much more into the abyss: for me and 1.5 billion other muslims and 1.3 other christians, we are the seed of Adam and Eve. of course atheist would detest this and quickly preach you on the theory of natural selection BUT recently, a research (i saw it on discovery channel) found out that EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD HAS SOME STRAINS IN THEIR DNA HELIX THAT IS SIMILAR. which, in plain english means we were born from the same parent. now, this is where we diverge. for the usual atheist, they would never want to admit this and continue on with their natural selection theory. but for us, the journey is still on.

now, unto our parents: Adam (may God's blessing be on him) and Eve (may God's blessing be on her). i will not deny that we have very limited data except for the fact that we know, Eve (humankind's mother) is made out of Adam's rib which he ripped because he was feeling lonely. so, why would men of this age have the same amount of ribs as woman? the answer is simple: because Adam ripped only one rib off, his genetic scheme didnt change. the ripping of the cage could be considered the same as having our hands ripped of during a freak accident. and even is this person had a son, the son will have two hands as opposed to one because it is already in his genetic scheme.

the question still remains, what are we?

WARNING: EXTREMELY EXPERIMENTAL THEORY ABOUND. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE GETTING SCARED.

lets take a look at what Allah SWT said:

I am nearer to you than the veins on your eyes

1. do you know why Allah SWT said "the veins on your eyes"? it is a metaphore because for a human to know how near an entity is to him, he calculates the distance that he can see separating him and the entity. and so by saying "the veins of your eyes", Allah SWT is simply trying to say I AM VERY NEAR.
2. lets take a look at one of Allah SWT characteristic: omnipresent. omnipresent is defined as "being everywhere".

lets combine both 1 and 2. in human words: ALLAH SWT is EVERYWHERE and IS VERY VERY NEAR TO US. Us here is defined as every human being in this world. if i am an atheist, i would say that im just hearing nonsense. but our journey does not end here. deeper we go into the rabbit hole.

NOW lets take a look at one of ALLAH SWT 25 attributes which is: WUJUD (present). WUJUD is defined as "being there, existing, exist". and for our information, we know that we humans can never have the same attributes as ALLAH SWT. which leaves us into the final question:

do we exist?

as i have elaborated earlier, we humans can never have the same attributes as ALLAH SWT and surprisingly one of the mentioned attribute is WUJUD (existing). and so, by leaning to normal constraints, lets say that we DO NOT EXIST. and so, if we dont, then the bigger question is WHERE ARE WE? and WHAT ARE WE? lets take a lookback:

I am nearer to you than the veins on your eyes

Allah Almighty is omnipresent.

Allah Almighty is the only present entity

now, this is where things get complicated. if we do not exist, why do we have this CONSCIOUSNESS. emotions and all. why do we feel like we are we. now i am going to hypothize (please mind my still shallow knowledge on the subject of metaphysical states). what i will say, shall not affect anything. if you do now want to listen to my hypothesis, please stop reading.

without futher ado, i reached an agreeable answer that satisfies my curiousity that is:

WE HUMANS ARE JUST THE FRAGMENTS OF OUR CREATORS MIND. just think of us as a daydream or some sort of thinking, like we used to do. if our CREATOR ever stops thinking/daydreaming about us, we shall cease to exist.

i kno that this is very very absurd but i must point out that in actuality, everything in this world, angels, Adam and Eve and devils, all of them were created out of nothingness. in plain english, before, there was nothing and Allah Almighty had created (read "kuun fayakuun") everything out of nothingness into absoluteness.

In the Quran, i will read out the sura Al Ikhlas:

Bismillahirahmanirrahiim.

QUL HUWALLAHU AHAD (Say, "He is ALLAH, the ABSOLUTE ONENESS")
ALLAHUSSAMAD (ALLAH is the god that everything depends on)
LAM YALID WALAM YUULAD (He does not beget, nor he is begotten)
WA LAM YAQULLAHU KUFUWAN AHAD (and there is nothing that is equal with Him)

and there is also the chant "LAA ILAHA ILLALLAH" (There is no other god excepts ALLAH). some wise men (ulama') says that the true meaning of this chant is "THERE IS NOTHING, THERE IS ONLY ALLAH".

who are we?

..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
SOMEONE: you liked you cheeseburger?
SOMEONE ELSE: of course! im so hungry i could eat a horse!
SOMEONE: heheh. then eat up fatso!
SOMEONE ELSE: im not fat! im just big boned.
SOMEONE: really?
SOMEONE: you are!
SOMEONE ELSE: am so!
SOMEONE: am not!
SOMEONE ELSE: am so!

example by lead

nahmaduhu wanusalli a'la rasulillahil karim, amma ba'd..

Rasulullah (may peace be upon him) and his companion (may them be blessed) lead a wonderful life. a life of mediocrity. Rasulullah (p.b.u.h.) in all his life as a prophet and leader of the muslims has never owned vast riches, let alone mammoth houses, coins of gold and even a decent meal. Rasulullah would eat a small loaf of bread twice of thrice a week. in all his (p.b.u.h.) life, the muslim leader had led a very mediocre life and the good thing is that he (p.b.u.h.) taught us that this is the way of life that we muslims should lead.

once, Umar Al Khattab (may he be in God's eternal blessing), when he was in charge of leadership after the death of Abu Bakar As-Siddiq (may he be in God's eternal blessing), was visited by a friend. seeing that Umar is living in a rundown house with inadequate equipment, clothing and food, his friend said to him:

oo Umar (may he be in God's eternal blessing), you are the leader of the Islamic people, and you have all the power in you hands, why dont you build at least a decent house and live in it?

hearing what his friend said, Umar replied with the greatest reply of all.. and Umar said:

do you think that every muslim can own a decent house?

and his friend said no. and Umar (may he be in God's eternal blessing) continued,

and that is why i shall live how they are living their lives..

do you know why Umar refused to live in a bigger house? it is because he knew that not every muslim can own let alone buy even a decent house and in fact there are some of them who do not even own a house (Abu Hurairah (may he be in God's eternal blessing)). to him (with his vast experience and first hand lesson with Rasulullah (p.b.u.h.)) a leader (we are talking about the leader of all the muslims) does not deserve anything better that what his people have. and my friend, that is what Rasulullah taught us..

what do our leaders practice nowadays?

they live in mansions, own big cars, eat the best meals, play the best game, swimming in their pool of money..

while a lot of his people are working their ass of just to feed their children (not including them),
while a lot of his people are living in rundown houses (even under the bridges),
while a lot of his people can just afford to eat rice with a pinch of salt.
while a lot of his people are suffering because they cant afford to receive medical care.

may God Almighty forgive me..

one random thing

hey everybody. (not that i do not know that no one is reading my blog..hohoho). but seriously, im goin to tell everybody that in the spirit of today (which is just an ordinary day), i would like to extend my thanks to everyone whom has called me a friend. i am very grateful that we have become friends and i very much enjoyed your company all these years. i know that for a fact i am not a perfect person nor i am a very senseful person but in my heart i hope that my presence among all of u have been worthwhile. and i thank you again for just accepting me as a friend whom you do not know from where i came.

i would like to apologize to for everything that i have caused (loss of feeling, sadness, loss of money, loss of sanity) and i hope it will never happen again. i truly do in my heart, love each and everyone of you like my own self. and i can assure u that u guys have done the same for me during our times together.

well, should i see you again soon, well done me. should i not, pity me.

thanx.

sincerest apologies,
calypso

a long way from everything

theres something in this mind that searches for the reason. the reason of existence. existence of the rampant, mindless and destructive human being. and the bad news is that i am one.

do you understand why we exist? good answer, i do not too. there are millions of logical answers in this world that can point out that it is a whole lot better for humans not to exist, yet there is none that support the theory that we exist for the better.

1. sure, we are intelligent and we can create things, but we only do it because we are burdened. because we need it. point number 1, selfish.



2. yes, we reserve the forest, and rehabilitate animals, give them shelter and show pity to them, only after we have ravaged their home so that we could live. point number 2, guilt.



3. yes, we use and innovate the earth's resources so that it can turn out to be better things for us to use, yet we destroy the earth just to get the source. point number 3, greed.



4. we produce things in our factory and innovate every year so that we can sell to the needy, but at the highest price. point number 4, greed.



5. we are so adept at making new things from the earth and we invent new recipes and eat for ourselves but we couldn't even care for our own kind that needs more than we do. point number 5, gluttony.



6. we research everything and we improvise from our business skills even to mysticology, yet all for the purpose of defeating our rival. point number 6, hatred.

i will stop here because if i go on, i would kill myself. i always thought that we are mindless just because we grow. we mature. we have things of our own to do that we no longer care for our fellow kind. we have riches to collect that we forget who we are. we have no time to spare that we neglect even our own kind until they suffer from war, famine and death.

i never want to believe that we, as the superior race..im sorry. as the only race that can use our heads to think can spawn such cruelty that even the earth despise us. look around you. am i right? am i right when i say even mother earth despise us?

i used to remember, when we were kids, we would love everything that we saw. in our hearts, there is not a single thought of hatred, greed, gluttony and selfishness. all we know is selflessness.

maybe its not a bad thing not to grow up.

maybe theres still hope for the world.

or maybe im just speaking of the impossible.

help me believe.

genesis

1. somewhere in another dimension

hello.. can.. u hear me..
umm.. hey.. (static) ..is not ok. check it (static)
(static) ..hear me now? (more static)
(static) man, its not.. (static) ..kin right! (fuzzy sounds)
(less static) oh hey, its (static) now! (fuzzy sounds)
(static clearing) um hello? can u hear me now?

uh hello. im the architect. you probably dont know me, but i know u. well, thats not so import.. (static) now. whats important is what im goin to tell (static) ..u. as u can see, im the architect. so, i build things. things that move, things that can do everything (static) you name it, i sure can build it (static) today, im goin to build (static) ..umting that is very big and beautiful. and there's a lot of different layers too. (static) im very sure that you will like it so much (static) ut..thats about it though. and im goin to name it (long static) yes.. thats the name.. (static) there's a catch though. one day, and that day will surely (static) ..i'm going to destroy this creation. because i've already created (static) ..better a few days ago (static) ..just to see how those machinimas fare there. oh yeah, i forgot to tell you that im also building machinimas. moving things. (static) ..these machinimas will (static) ..the place. jus for a while though. those machinimas deserve the better one, if they only knew.. (sigh) well, off to work (long static>

(static) (fuzzy sounds)

do you still remember? when i came?
yes, certainly dude.
we had nothing right? so, now we are going back, can i bring along my stuff?
oh, you cant dude. thats not yours.
well, ive had it since i was here.
but it was given right? they said nothing else, just personal belongings.
oh yeah. thanks man. dont have much, but i'll be fine.
me too dude. me too..

a cup of rice

i love my mother. i really do. and i love my father. very much too.

do you know that we came to this world just from a wish?
without that wish, there will never be us.
without that wish, we are just nothingness.
have u ever thought of it?

when our parents took their eternal vows, they wished.
they wished that we can come and be with them.
they wished that we would see them for the rest of their lives.
they wished that we could be like them or even better than them and be their son.
because of this wish, we were born.

for something to be born from a wish, is the same as being born from nothingness.
but because they wished so hard and prayed so long, and so we were given as presents to them.
we are just mere presents.

and what do presents do?
they cheer their receivers.
they liven things for their receivers.
we are just mere presents.

but when we grow, who is the first that we would see alone?
who is the first that we would leave their side?
it is our wishers.
our own parents.
left alone so that we could be with someone else.
left alone so that we could get what our hearts truly desire.
left alone so that we could be happy with what we want.

but humans.
humans always forget.
we forget that we are just wishes.
we are just mere presents.
given unto our wishers so that they may be happy.
so that they may feel alive.
so they can have children of their own.

but what do we gave them for the wish that they made?
what do we let them feel for the wish that they longed for?
what do we make them suffer just because a wish was made in their hearts?
we gave them loneliness.
we gave them helplessness.
we gave them pain.
we gave them suffering.
we gave them everything that they can never give us.
do you see now?

and when one day humans can never forget, they will finally understand.
that we just gave them us.
a wish from the bottom of their heart.
just a wish.

we have no mouth, but we must scream!

there is a sickness in this world.
and the sickness is in everyone of us.
the sickness is not traceable, nor feel-able (i hope this is a word) by the carrier.
but people around him can. but not people with the same sickness.

this sickness mines our soul and keeps us dead in the heart.
dead from our true vision and deaf to the sound of the earth.

we can have everything and we will never feel enough.
we will want more and nothing can stop us.
to us, nothing will stop us.

not even God.

we are blind, see we dont.
we are deaf, hear we dont.
we are tired, feel we dont.

we can be the king of the world and we would crave for more.
we can be the richest person in the world and still we would crave for more.
we can have the most advance gadget in the world and still we would crave for more.
we can have everything this world can give but still we would crave for more.

what do we suffer from?

but we dont care.
and we will get everything that this world has to offer.
everything.
EVERYTHING.
and when we have everything, then our soul will rest.
we will not stop.
we will never stop.
we will never care.
not our family.
not our relative.
not our friends.
not anyone.
because we are many.
we see us in everyone.
we are unstoppable.
we will get everything.
we will.
WE WILL.

and when we die, we will stil have everything.
or will not we?
will not we?

WE ARE DEAD.
WE ARE COLD.
WE ARE ALONE.
THERE IS STILL EVERYTHING.
AROUND US.
BUT IT IS EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING THAT IS NOTHING.
AND WE WILL BURN.
WITH EVERYTHING.
WE ARE ALONE.
WE ARE COLD.
WE ARE DEAD.

WE ARE SCARED..
Please help us God..
please..
please..
please..
please..
God..

would you come and take me away?

one time, there was this boy, who came to earth when his mother gave birth to him. he was small and he cried when he saw this world. what would he know, he's just a baby. so naive and innocent.. and his father smiled brilliantly at his face and gave him a name.. after everything had ended, his parents brought him home and let him sleep on his cradle. and everyday his mother would rock his cradle and sing to him his name. 

one particular day, he asked his father, my beloved father, who am i? and his father whispered his name to him..

as days past him by, he grew like the trees would grow everyday. taller and taller, day by day. like the astute tree, he stood tall to this world and learn the ways of this world. and as he grew, he met a lot of creatures similar to him. the creature could talk, walk, sleep and even eat. so, he befriended the creature and became good friends.

one day, one of his friend asked him, who are you? and he told them what his father told him, no more and no less. they too just nodded and told him their names too. and each of them called everyone by their name everyday.

there is still something left.. the answer his father gave him was not clear. the answer that his father gave didnt satisfy him. in his thoughts, the question he gave didnt satisfy him. even after receiving the perfect answer, there is still something left. he still didnt knew who he was..

and he said, my father gave me a name, and my friends call me by that name. his mother too. everyone. .

he said in his heart, i am not my name, i am something else..

and so he came to his father's lap and said:

                                              oh my beloved father..
                                                       what am i?

i am just a name. without my name, there is no me. there is just someone else. i am just a thought. without my thought, there will be nothing here. i am just a consciousness. without my consciousness, there will only be my body, staying still. i am just an imagination. without my imagination, i wouldnt exist.

who are you? can you tell me who am i?

gimme ur thoughts. comments are very appreciated.

essence

forgive my use of profanity on the title. i just wanted it to look smarty, and serious and maybe a little bit exciting. but as always, when i talk, flowers die. hell, even if i start to open my mouth, cats die. hahaha. thats the truth people. and now, i feel like talking. hear ye! hear ye!

who are we? who are you? who am i?

try asking the same questions to yourself and answer it for me. a human you say? an individual you say? homosapiens you say? a living creature you say? now, what say me? i say, i am you, and you are me.

whoa whoa! slow down! dont get this wrong. im not saying the homosexual guy/girl that you see everyday is you. im not saying that those mafia/gengster/terorrist/mob society is you. hell, im not even saying <insert what would you like to hear here>. there, save me the comments and let me speak.

what say i? i say, i am you, and you are me. and why is that, because our essence is the same. and why is that? well folks, tough luck. you gotta do your own research here. i did, and still havent finished yet. but i did found some answers. will i tell you? no. and why is that? because, what i know, will not be the same as what you know. but, if you like, i'll tell you though. all you need to do is ask me. hahahaha. satisfied? no? i dont care. im done writing. bye bye.

ok2. im just kidding. its not finished yet. but really, this is the end. thank you for reading *or were you just happen to end up here out of coincidence* my blog. the truth is out there myselves (means all of you). the truth is out there.

done.
28th of june
0219, +8gmt.
send my regards to your parents and if you are free, pray for us (everyone in this world needs it, including me)..

forgive me if im wrong. im not always right. thanks again for reading..

estranged alone brings wisdom

its been a long time since ive blogged. but i thought the time came again yesterday night and here i am blogging again my mindless and useless throries of nothingness. but hey, its my f*****g blog and why should i care what u think.. ist that right? wrong! let me give u an example:

in this world, there is no right or wrong. dont agree wif me? why should i bother? to me its right but to you its wrong. then how come one suggesstion sums up into two views? should right and wrong be considered one only? there is only right and wrong.. boy, how brainwashed are you.. stop watching those damned televisions already!!! turn it off. save your brain! u dont want to be mind controlled servants dont u?

personally, from what ive gathered, in this world, there are only views. perspectives if i may say. perspectives from people. for an example, if i stole some bread from a grocery shop, then there are two views:

1. police officers: its dead wrong and we ought to detain him. and maybe frighten him up a bit so we could get some "extra" cash! (u bastards who does this really deserves a big F**K! i mean, come on, the government put trust into you and you misuse it. really, a big F**K you to those who misuse their power over the minority) <- im referring to the act of bribing.

2. thieves: hey, stealing is normal to us. why should you bother when that guy steals? its our way of life. and we ought to get back on those police officers that misused their power over us! viva la raza! sangre o libertad!

now, correct me if im wrong, what do you think now? agree with me? dont worry, i dont need you to agree with me anyway. hey, its my point! why should u care? im just ranting away on my blog, disposing off useless ideas.

now, take the above situation and make it that the person that stole the bread is very hungry and hasnt eaten for about a week (make it a month for increased damnation!). now tell me, is it a crime for that guy to steal? lemme guess, ur views are now somewhat distorted, between pity and righteousness. dead on ur tracks? cat got ur tongue? now u know why i say that the world only has views. there are no right and wrong. only "if i perceive it as right, then its right" and "if i perceive it as wrong, then its wrong". agree yet? bah! u dont have to. this is just my disillusioned my pouring out to fill the empty gap during my life..

now, anyone who reads this, tell me: IS THERE ANY RIGHT OR WRONG?

fill in ur answers and i'll blog its next episode.

thanx fer visiting. have a nice day!

reflections

hi and welcome. i do not know you and i will probably dont want to know you but that doesnt matter. i just set up a new blog page and i will transfer my original blog from friendster to here. im sure you dont want to know that or even listen to me bragging more. so, UNTO THE BLOGGING!!!!!!!

thanx again.